5 New (and Frankly Silly) Suggestions for What to Do With the Old Post Office

In case you missed it last week, there's some news on the old Post Office building quagmire (via Chicago Tribune):

For decades now, the city and a series of developers have struggled to find a use for the 2.5-million-square-foot building sitting on nearly 13 acres. Since 1996, when it ceased hosting gut-wrenching waits for a clerk to weigh your package and other postal service functions, its primary role has been to fool westbound drivers into thinking that the sun glare on the way home won’t be so bad today.

The city’s great stone visor, the Block 37 of the West Loop, has been in the news recently because British millionaire Bill Davies, the building’s owner since 2009, said he has plans to sell it to a New York developer. This announcement came, in a stunning coincidence, just weeks after Mayor Rahm Emanuel’s administration threatened to use eminent domain to seize the property.

The article proposes 5 new uses for the building, but we're not sure if we're supposed to take them serious because they seem silly:

1. Lucas Museum of Narrative Art - seems practical, but from everything we've read it seems like Lucas is set on the lake front and a "statement" building - not a rehab.
2. The Willis Building - not sure about this...maybe he's suggesting this because it's pretty close to Willis Tower?
3. Speed Window Observation Deck - to watch cars speeding underneath the building.  Again, seems silly.
4. World's Largest Costco - not even worth commenting on.
5. World's Largest Haunted House - now we're talking...except it would also be the world's most expensive and least profitable haunted house would be our guess.